Fraudulent charges!

There it was: someone went shopping in London with my credit card, while I was having hernia surgery here in New York...and I have never been to London. At least not yet.

The journey of solving this problem should have been easy. Call the bank, fill out the forms, stop the credit card and in 10 days, get a new card. That was not to be the case. The actual journey was completed over a 5 day period.

It went something like this:

Call up Chase Bank, get a recording that requests putting in my account number. When I finally get to an operator I am asked to give my account number again, then asked a series of questions and then they asked me FINALLY, how can I help you.

I explain the situation and they tell me I have to speak to a different department. I am transferred, speak to someone in that department who again asks me for all that information I gave before and then they ask me how they can help. I explain the situation (again), they apologize and explain that they will email me a link to fill out the forms. I thank them for their help and wait for the link

...and wait...and wait and the link for the forms never arrived.

The next day we repeat the process. I give them a new email address and the link finally shows up but it does not work. Busy with work myself, I am not able to call them yet again. The following day I call again and have to go through the same procedure. I ask to speak with a supervisor (I am not allowed), and finally, in desperation, I tell them to fax me the paperwork.

I fill out the paperwork and BRING it to Chase in person.  They are very nice to me, ask me how they can help me and fax my paper work.  My new card should arrived soon (and currently I am waiting for the new card.)

This is more of an illustration rather than a rant. My point about this is that no one I spoke with really cared, they simply read a script. They were never taught to care, just to placate.  They were never empowered to help, just to follow the script.

Years ago, I was told a story: the difference between heaven and hell.

In hell everyone was trying to feed themselves with 9 foot forks and spoons. In heaven they had the same forks and spoons but they were feeding each other. Humanity is missing EVERYWHERE.

Caring for others is the job of Mother Teresa and the Dalai Lama.  It is to be admired, but not really something we cultivate personally. Kindness, gentleness and humanity are simply missing from our day to day and have been replaced with politeness, scripts and social defenses that we are not even really good at.

One of the key reasons relationships are so difficult is the simple fact that there is a lack of humanity for one another and for ourselves. Once we reduce ourselves simply into need-getting machines, we loose our ability to relate, empathize and resonate with others. All we then really care about is ourselves.

In such an age of "spirituality" how is it that such self-centeredness still prevails? Because even the spirituality of our time is really about just another exercise in egotism. In order to transform ones ego, one has to be ready, willing and able to admit our own self-centeredness.

The great balancing act!

Here are some hot tips:

1. Pay attention to your feelings - they are the clues to letting you know when you are getting your needs met or not.

2. KNOW your needs. I know...sounds simple, but sometimes the only way we find out we had a need is when we have not gotten "it" met.

3. Learn to listen to other peoples' feelings.  Yup, guess what, they are clues as to how you are meeting the needs of others.

4. Be honest about your ability to meet someone else's needs. Which means giving up being a martyr.

5. Learn that conflict is the heart of creativity and not something to be avoided at all costs. By learning how to view conflict (or differences) you can help create new outcomes even better than the ones you had in mind!

Please join us each week for our dating and relationship call!